LISETTE RUISSEAU & THE GRAND GUIGNOL AFFAIR

by

Brian Sands

Days of Our Lives, Fuzzweb

Episode Two A Frantic Phone Call

Signature tune Ravel’s Bolero

Announcer We present Andrea Joyau and Noir de Plaisance in Lisette Ruisseau and the Grand Guignol Affair, a Lisette Ruisseau and Donald Caisson mystery by Mignon Marceau. Episode Two, “A Frantic Phone Call.”

Signature tune Continues, fades.

FX Voices, fade in.

Lisette ... So tonight I’m receiving an entrée into this rather strange group of Lady Amelia Bond’s friends.

Don Sounds harmless enough in itself ...

Lisette It does, doesn’t it, although it has a slightly kinky aspect to it.

Don That part shouldn’t worry you.

Lisette No, of course not. You and I have sometimes played games like that ... It should be possible to size up the woman’s friends and eliminate them as suspects one by one, until we uncover the blackmailer.

Don Hmm. Blackmail by threatening kidnap. And for some reason Lady Bond is reluctant to tell her husband. Or anyone else.

Lisette Yes. The natural thing would be to tell him at once, wouldn’t it?

Don Yers. There’s something more to the affair. And the ruby ...

Lisette A novel way of stealing the gem, to threaten the woman’s liberty, and maybe her life, in order to force her to steal the ruby herself.

Don Yers. Why not a straightforward heist? Why all the additional trouble to frighten the wife into becoming an accomplice?

Lisette Unless the wife’s in on it. She may have faked her own kidnapping. Then, if the ruby disappears ... But that wouldn’t make sense. She would still be with her husband. And her explanation why she made the ruby available to a third person would probably wear a little thin over time ...

Don What do you plan to do with the day, before the eventful night?

Lisette I’ll clear my head, take an outing in the city. I think I’ll do some shopping. There was a lovely dress in one of the boutiques. Then I’ll stroll through the National Museum, and the art gallery. We can meet there for lunch.

Don Yers. I’ll visit the Ministry and do some background research in the meantime.

Lisette You’re becoming quite a regular at the Ministry.

Don Yers. It’s like a gentleman’s club. And I’ve rarely been to one of them. That’s my adventure for the day.

Lisette Mine is for tonight ... I’ve chosen my blindfold. This black silk chiffon scarf is almost transparent, but it won’t let in the light when it’s folded a few times, and it will be soft on my face.

Don You’re a sensuous young woman! … But, that’s the dangerous part. If the blackmailer suspects that the neophyte is a nosy investigator, you’ll be helpless to prevent any unpleasantness.

Lisette I know. Although it shan’t be easy to kidnap me from among the group, even when I’m bound hand and foot. Everyone’s attention will be on me. The kidnapper would have to separate me from the others, get me on my own.

Don Anyway, we have the address. Rogi will drop you off at Cadogan Square and keep watch on the place until it’s time for you to go home. I think we’ve about covered ourselves ... (Voices fade).

Signature tune A few bars.

FX The phone rings. Pause.

Rogi Mr Caisson, a woman is on the phone asking for Lisa Rivers. She sounds rather frantic. Shall I put her on?

Don Yers, Rogi, right away ... This doesn’t sound good ... Hullo? ... Hullo?

Woman H- Hullo? I wanted to speak with Miss Rivers.

Don I’m her business partner, Madam. Anything you wish to say to Lisa you can say to me.

Woman Well ... I don’t know. But it’s terribly urgent. I’ll have to trust you.

Don Of course. All communications are treated in the strictest confidence in our firm. What do you wish to tell us?

Woman I wanted to warn Lisa Rivers not to go to that special evening at Amelia Bond’s tonight. She’ll be in terrible danger if she does go.

Don I’ll pass the message on. Will you give me your name?

Woman No. No, I don’t think that would be wise.

Don Are you one of the women in that club?

Woman I-- I know about it ... I’m sorry, I can’t say any more. Please tell Miss Rivers that her life depends on her not going there tonight. (Hangs up).

Don Damn! ... Rogi!

Rogi You called?

Don Yers ... Rogi, did everything look all right when you dropped Lisa off at Cadogan Square? No suspicious circumstances? No parked cars with people in them watching, no men in greatcoats on the corner?

Rogi No sir. I would have noticed if they were there.

Don Yers, of course you would.

Rogi Miss Lisette got out of the car and walked to the door, pressed the bell. It was opened by someone, there was a slight pause, then she entered and the door closed. I waited for thirty minutes a distance up the road, watching in the rear view mirror. Two other woman entered the house in that time. Then, according to Lisette’s instructions, I came back home sir.

Don She’s headstrong. She knew that the original plan was for you to wait all night if necessary until she reappeared.

Rogi Yes sir. She did agree at first to phone you when it was time to leave, and you would then phone me in the car ... I can go back, sir.

Don Hmm. What time is it now?

Rogi Nearly ten, sir.

Don That’s when Lady Bond expected the initiation to begin. So if they’re working to schedule they have scarcely started. There’s nothing for us to do except to wait. But, Rogi ...!

Rogi Yes sir?

Don I want you to go back there and keep watch. Don’t worry about Lisette’s orders. I’m countermanding them in the interests of her safety. Watch very carefully when it’s time for everyone to leave. Pay particular attention to anything at all suggestive, such as one of then leaving with a large suitcase, understand?

Rogi I understand only too well, sir.

Don If some sort of case, or a costumier’s trunk should make its appearance - which would be an unusual occurrence that late at night - there would be a strong likelihood that out intrepid lady is inside.

Rogi Gagged and bound.

Don Yers. Even a scarf or a plain handkerchief would not make much noise from inside the thick layers of a trunk’s sides.

Rogi I’ll get cracking right away sir.

Don Thank you Rogi ... Rogi ...

Rogi Yes sir?

Don Before you go, take this revolver. You may have to act on your own, if events move too fast for me to be there on time in the second car.

Rogi Very good sir.

Don You’re a crack shot Rogi, so aim at the legs or some other part to incapacitate and not to kill. We will need someone to interrogate if the worst happens and Lisette disappears.

Rogi Yes sir.

FX Retreating footsteps and the closing of a door.

Signature tune A few bars, fades.

FX Babble of women’s voices, clinking of glasses.

Amelia I’m so glad you were able to come. I was beginning to wonder whether you had second thoughts about it.

Lisette Oh no. The description of your party game was most diverting and I wouldn’t miss it for anything. And, anyway, it’s the best way I can think of to get to the bottom of this mystery. Until we find out who’s blackmailing you, your mind can’t be at rest.

Amelia I’m glad you understand ... I see you have a drink already. Simmondson our butler is always on cue.

Lisette I thought there were no men involved in this soirée.

Amelia Neither there are. It’s always Simmondson’s day off when we have these gatherings. He leaves when he’s fulfilled his role by serving the first round of drinks.

Lisette And your maid Jasmine?

Amelia Oh yes. She stays. She helps us with the props.

Lisette Props?

Amelia You know ... background music, and lighting to set the scene. She makes sure I haven’t forgotten anything. Do you know, in one of our earliest initiations I quite forgot to have a supply of rope on hand. It was most embarrassing ...

Woman Ve hat to, how you say it? Extemporise. It vas really ver’ funny. I vas the virst initiand.

Amelia Oh I’m forgetting my manners. Lisa, this is Lettie Kleiderbügel. Lettie ... Lisa Rivers.

Lettie Very plissed to meet you. I hope you vill enchoy our little club.

Lisette Thank you, Lettie. I’m sure I will.

Amelia Come on, I’ll introduce you to the rest of our little clan ... Here is the only other “Lady” present, Lady Prunella Scarples. But we’re all on a first-name basis here.

Prunella How do you do, my diyah? That’s a beautiful dress you’re wearing. Black silk is most becoming against a fresh complexion such as yours.

Lisette Thank you.

Amelia ... Our Australian expatriate, Nicole Rockesheila ...

Nicole Pleezed ta meetcha.

Amelia ... Our Irish member, Molly Bloomsbury.

Molly Nice to know yer, Love.

Amelia And last but of course by no means the least, our Mexican entrant, Signora Lina Islas. Lina was our latest initiate, until you came along.

Lina Bueñas noches, Signorina Rivière.

Lisette I’m very pleased to meet you all.

Amelia (Brightly). All right, ladies ... Time to begin ... Jasmine, has Simmondson departed?

Jasmine Yes, your Ladyship.

Amelia Good. Into the adjoining room fellow game players ... You see, dear Lisa, I have arranged this room with an open central space. The new girl to be inducted into our little group - that’s you - stands in the middle and undergoes cross-examination while Jasmine plays appropriate background music. Do you have your blindfold?

Lisette Yes.

Amelia Give it to me. Oh, a nice silky one ... Are you ready?

Lisette (Taking a deep breath). I’m ready.

Amelia Good ... Let the circumambulation of the initiand begin!

FX Soft background music, Vivaldi’s Four Seasons.

Amelia (Speaking in measured trance-like tones). The lights are lowered.

Women in Chorus The lights are lowered.

Amelia Where is the new member for her initiation?

Women in Chorus (Chanting in crescendo on the last word). She is here!

Amelia She must not see our sacred cords.

Women in Chorus Our sacred cords!

Amelia She must be hoodwinked.

Women in Chorus She must not see our sacred cords! She must be hoodwinked!

Amelia Her predecessor must bind her eyes.

Women in Chorus Bind her eyes!

Lina It is done.

Women in Chorus It iss done!

Amelia First initiate must bind her hands.

Women in Chorus Bind her hands!

Lettie It is done.

Women in Chorus It is done!

Amelia Let the questioning begin.

Women in Chorus Let the questioning begin!

Amelia Let the first initiate ask the first question.

Women in Chorus Let it be asked!

Lettie (In a sing-song). Vat did you zee virst ven you voke up dis morgen?

Lisette (Hesitates). I- I saw clothes on the chair.

Amelia She hesitates to answer the question. Bind her elbows.

Women in Chorus Bind back her elbows for she has hesitated!

Lisette (Under her breath). That was a trick question, but I understand a little better how this game works. Oof, that’s tight!

Amelia Second initiate is to ask the second question.

Women in Chorus The second question is to be asked!

Jasmine (Stifling a giggle). What colour and style are the underclothes you wear tonight?

Lisette Let me see, black string panties and a black lace underwire bra.

Amelia She does not ring true, for her bra size she has forgot.

Lisette Oh, that should be 36C.

Amelia It counts against her and she has paused, yet her reply rings true.

Women in Chorus Her reply rings true, but she loses a point!

Amelia Third initiate asks the third question.

Molly Ullo Love, tell us abaht that nice dress yer wearin’.

Lisette Oh that’s easy! I’ve had my eye on this dress all week. I love silk, and the simple lines of this dress make it perfect for either day or evening. The skirt has a very fine silk lining that almost makes sparks fly across my stockings when I walk. Is that enough?

Amelia Is it enough? What say you?

Women in Chorus It is enough. Another point she earns.

Jasmine (Soto voce). It’s loverly.

Amelia Now let the fourth initiate ask the fourth question.

Nicole Yeah. That’s a beaut dress all right. Are you wearin’ stockings or pantyhose under it?

Lisette I’m wearing dark stockings to match my dress, with a suspender belt and a half slip. I guess I’m an old-fashioned girl. I do wear pantyhose but don’t like them much.

Amelia What say the chorus? Is she true?

Women in Chorus An old-fashionel gal is what we like. A point, a point.

Amelia Fifth initiate is to ask question five.

Lina Signorina, what is your favourite cocktail, por favor?

Lisette That’s another easy one! A gin and tonic.

Amelia What does the chorus say?

Women in Chorus Without a doubt, she gains another point!

Amelia The sixth and final question is to be asked by the hostess.

Prunella A heap of clothes on a chair, black underwear, black silk dress, stockings and suspender belt, a gin and tonic. Now, Dahling, are you a day person or a night person?

Lisette Definitely a night person!

Amelia Final verdict?

Women in Chorus She is one of us!

FX Music changes, Saint Saens Carnival of the Animals.

Amelia The time for silent retreat begins.

Women in Chorus It shall begin!

Amelia Her eyes stay bound, for she has lost points.

Women in Chorus Her eyes are bound!

Lisette (Softly). Oh, that’s not fair!

Amelia And she must not speak.

Women in Chorus She must not speak!

Amelia First initiate must bind her mouth.

Women in Chorus Bind her mouth!

Lisette No ... ngggg.

Amelia Her mouth is bound.

Women in Chorus Her mouth is bound!

Amelia She is to be taken to the quiet room and there held captive.

Women in Chorus She is to be taken and held captive!

FX Carnival of the Animals increases in volume.

Amelia (Speaking softly, evidently in Lisette’s ear). Don’t worry, dear. This is the end part of the game .. Here we are.

FX Music and voices fade into the background. Sound of door closing and comparative quiet.

Amelia There’s not much more to be done now. Sit in this chair.

Lisette Mmmph!

Amelia What happens now is that your ankles are tied together - there - so that you can’t run away of course - and you are left in the dark to meditate. It’s usually for about half an hour. But that depends on how the group feels. I’ll take the blindfold off too. No sense wearing it in the dark.

Lisette Mmmmmph!

Amelia Hmm ... Lettie did tie your gag tight, didn’t she? And your wrist and elbow bonds are tight as well. But the rules of the game are that the initiand has to endure whatever discomfort the others put her through, otherwise it’s not an initiation, if you see what I mean, and you need to be accepted as an initiate before you can pursue your investigations. I hope you understand?

Lisette Mm hm!

Amelia Good. I can’t thank you enough for going through this, to help me. I’ll be back within the hour to free you.

FX Sound of door opening indicated by increase in volume and conversation from the adjoining room. Door closes. The key is turned in the lock.

Lisette (Experimentally). Nggggg ... helllng ... helllng (fade).

Signature tune Several bars - passage of time. Fade ...

FX Phone rings, is lifted from the cradle.

Don Yers?

Lisette (Voice muffled and distorted). Oh Don, I’m so glad this reached you on the first try!

Don Lisette? Where are you? Still in the Bond house?

Lisette Yes, Darling. I’m bound.

Don Bound? You mean tied up?

Lisette Yes. But don’t worry, it’s part of the initiation. I’m not hurt, and I don’t think I’m in any danger. But everyone appear to have gone, including Lady Amelia Bond and her maidservant. I can’t believe they’d have forgotten me, so I think something’s very wrong. I waited and waited ... Well, I can’t get out of these ropes anyway, they’re so tight. But when everything went quiet I managed to wriggle to this phone. I worked my gag off just enough over my chin to let me talk to you. It keeps slipping back into my mouth though. I ... mmmph ... Don, be a darling and come and rescue me. Or send Rogi over. I’m getting pins and needles in my arms and legs and the gag has dried out my mouth!

Don Rogi is already on his way. I’ll tell him to go in. Stay put. He shan’t be long.

Lisette Stay put? Oh very funny! That’s all I can do is stay put. I must say this for the little group, they sure know how to keep a girl quiet ... and from going anywhere!

FX Donald’s phone replaced on the cradle. Sound of mobile phone being dialed.

Don Rogi? Listen, this is what I want you to do ...

FX Theme music. Fade into ... Door opening.

Lisette (Voice muffled). Is that you Rogi?

Rogi It is, my lady.

Lisette Thank god. Rogi dear, please get this thing out of my mouth.

Rogi There. It was tied just tight enough to be a nuisance.

Lisette It sure was. M- My hands, please?

Rogi Of course.

Lisette Ohh, that’s better. I- I’ll do my ankles ... Rogi, am I right to think that the house is empty?

Rogi There’s no one here at all. Some cars left from the main road, but there’s a rear entrance onto a narrow lane that I overlooked.

Lisette Don’t blame yourself. You can’t be in two places at once, although I sometimes suspect … . I’m just glad that you rescued me.

Rogi Are you ready to go? Can you stand, dear lady?

Lisette Y- Yes ... Just a little tottery on my feet but I’ll be fine.

Rogi Come on then. I’ll steady you.

Lisette Um, Rogi, I’ve been thinking. There had to be a reason for leaving me here tied up and gagged. You know, I think whoever did it - that is, whoever made the final decision to leave me like this - intended to come back and get me.

Rogi That makes sense.

Lisette So, if I’m not here when they return they’ll think we’re on to them, and go to ground. Whereas if I’m still here I’ll find out more about their plans ... Rogi, can you remember exactly how I was tied?

Rogi Of course, dear lady.

Lisette All right ... Tie me up again, exactly like before, and leave me here.

Rogi Do you think that’s wise?

Lisette Well, they haven’t hurt me, just tied me up tightly enough to prevent me from getting away. And there’s no sense leaving me like that for the butler to find. And Lady Bond will want to return to this lovely house. No ... I think they want to keep me here to tell me something.

Rogi That’s a damn strange way to behave.

Lisette Well, after what went on with that little group and what they called their “circumambulation of the initiand” I am not at all surprised ... Rogi, make it quick. They might be back any minute.

Rogi I don’t know ... Mr Caisson won’t like it.

Lisette Oh, I’ll take care of him. Anyway, he and I have played this trick before. In more risky circumstances too.

Rogi (Sighs). All right. Put your hands behind your back ... (pause).

Lisette That won’t do! You have to make it tighter.

Rogi I didn’t want to hurt you.

Lisette It’s not for long. I’ve a feeling they’ll come soon, before sunrise. And it’s got to look real, like it was before ... That’s better! Now do my elbows ... (Gasps). Now, help me sit on the floor, then tie my ankles.

Rogi (Grunting). I hope you know what you’re doing.

Lisette I’ll be all right, Rogi dear. And anyway, you and Don won’t be far away.

Rogi You can count on that. This time we’ll cover both the front and rear entrances between us ... There, is that tight enough?

Lisette Yes, thank you. They shouldn’t suspect anything when they see me like this ... Now, put that gag back on me. It was originally tight but I managed to rub it loose on the carpet. So, make it good and tight again ... nnnnnng.

Rogi Tight enough my lady?

Lisette Mmmph.

Rogi Right. I’ll go now. I hope they come soon. You don’t look at all comfortable.

Lisette Nnnng.

FX Sound of door closing softly. Signature tune in low volume, fading ... Sound of door opening with a rattle of the lock, pause, indistinct whispered words. Click of light switch.

Voice She’s still here, Lady Prunella.

Prunella I’m so glad. Let’s untie her, Jasmine, and tell her about it.

Lisa Mm hm!

Jasmine I think we should keep her tied, just for the present. But we can take her gag off.

Prunella What you think best. But Lady Bond ...

Jasmine ... is not important. Don’t you see? She was going to tell this young woman everything. But we’ve succeeded in delaying her, and now we’ve got the girl to ourselves. We can’t let them meet again before we’ve explained to her. On second thoughts, tighten her gag. It’s best that we get her away from here where we can talk without being disturbed

Lisa Mmmph!

Prunella I know just the place.

Jasmine Good ... Take her legs. I’ll (grunts) take her shoulders.

Lisette Mmmmmph, nnnng!

Jasmine Hush little one. No one can hear you.

Signature tune Continues, fades ...

Announcer That was Episode Two of Lisette Ruisseau and the Grand Guignol Affair, a Lisette Ruisseau and Donald Caisson mystery by Mignon Marceau …

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© Brian Sands 2005.